


Every night in my dreams (We are connected to each other)

by Sleepyhyuckie



Series: sun&moon [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Best Friends, Character Study, Crushes, Feelings Realization, Growing Up Together, Lee Jeno-centric, M/M, Minor Character Death, Prequel, Quiet, Sad, Slice of Life, Summer, i am sad, i want coffee, sorta?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-19 08:20:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17597705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sleepyhyuckie/pseuds/Sleepyhyuckie
Summary: It hit him as the moonlight shone through his window. The window where he first spied Jaemin from across the street. The room where the first person he came out to was Jaemin. The room where he spent countless nights dreaming with the same boy taking the same side of the bed, stealing the same blanket away from him. It hit him as the moonlight shone on the face of the boy he loved. First, as a friend, and now it seemed something more.





	Every night in my dreams (We are connected to each other)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again! This is a prequel to my first fic; however, it can be read as a standalone! A little update in my life, I am really hoping to get into these academies I have applied to in order to finish my high schooling. Please wish me luck! ^.^  
> I hope you enjoy the fic!

It wasn’t fair, really. How far Jeno would go for Jaemin. If Jaemin told Jeno to fly, Jeno would leap across the sky. And fall. Yet, like Icarus to the sun, Jeno would try his damnest to fly. It wasn’t fair. How Jaemin’s smile lifted Jeno off his feet and carried him to the moon. How no other sound warranted a famous Jeno eye smile other than Jaemin’s. It wasn’t fair. How Jeno realized he liked-no loved- Jaemin. It wasn’t fair at all.

There were no fireworks, no scenic ocean views, or sappy background music. There was no crackle in the air. Nothing was special yet everything aligned perfectly. They were at Jeno’s grandparents. The two of them had grown up together and spent many summers traipsing the grounds of his grandparent’s country home. Both of them could easily recall those days with languid smiles and heavy hearts. Among all of the emotions that surfaced, love was the one that prevailed the most.

Jaemin was there when Jeno’s grandmother had chased them around the house with a broom for almost trampling her prized camellias. Jaemin was there when Jeno’s grandfather made them help him plant vegetables in the garden. To Jeno, summer was Jaemin’s sun-kissed smile and his grandparent’s beautiful grounds.

But, the sun-stained skies turned cloudy masquerades of anguish. Jaemin was there when his grandfather fell down the stairs, his bones too brittle. Jaemin was there when his grandmother slipped away to the heavens in the middle of the night. Jaemin was there when Jeno decided to say goodbye to the garden. To say goodbye to the memories that wrapped around the infrastructure of the home.

\--

He needed this, they both did. One last goodbye before his parents packed away his grandfather’s old gardening tools and his grandmother’s camellias would wilt away. The trek to the graves was the easy part. Making it from the worn path of the cemetery directly to the grave was the most excruciating part. This was it. He was saying goodbye. Jeno’s knees buckled and he could hear the almost silent sobs Jaemin refused to let out. Jaemin squeezed his hand as he stood by Jeno.

 

They were in no means religious, yet they prayed. They prayed for a safe passage into the next life and hoped for a reunion. They prayed for each other's sadness to lessen and more happy days to follow. Jeno was the first to speak, still kneeling on the ground.

 

“Jaemie, can I have a moment alone, please? And then you can talk to them. I just need to say some things I couldn't before.” He looked so lost and helpless, Jaemin couldn’t help to squeeze his shoulder as he walked away.

 

“Grandfather, I miss you. I’ll think of you everytime I see a cabbage,” he chuckled wetly.

 

“Grandmother, I hope you find grandpa in the next life and curse him as much as you did then. I wanted to tell you both this earlier, but I suppose we ran out of time.” He paused.

 

“I like to think that you love me the most in the world and would have accepted me regardless. It’s a big part of me now. I’m sorry I could have told you sooner.” He took a deep breath and counted to ten before continuing.

 

“I’m gay.” He paused once more as if expecting a response. Perhaps, a horrified gasp, a disappointed sigh, or maybe, just maybe, a soft exhale. An exhale of peace. Of reassurance. Of acceptance.

 

“I came here with Jaeminie. He and I loved you guys so much. I am really sorry that I never got to tell you while I had the chance. But,” Hot tears began to carve their way down Jeno’s face, “I was afraid. At least, I know that you are at peace right now. With each other.”

 

With the last word, he looked over at Jaemin. His Jaemin. He was standing on the side and studying Jeno’s face very intensely, gauging whether it was his turn to speak to the tombs or whether Jeno just needed a little bit more time.

 

The sun hit Jaemin in a way that highlighted the softness of his boyish cheeks, slowly melting in the heat of growing up. His eyes sparkled with unshed tears as he waited for the sign. _This is how I will remember you, Jaemin. Shielding me from the sun and yet, I still feel warm._

 

With a slight nod, Jeno gets up and quietly exchanges spots, unable to watch Jaemin say his goodbyes. These moments were so personal and solemn, he felt intrusive watching Jaemin. He could care no less when it came to his own moment. Every breath he took, Jaemin was by his side. He brought Jaemin with him for a reason; Jaemin had seen much worse than his coming out at his grandparent’s grave.

 

But, it was so much different viewing Jaemin’s final farewells. He knew that the boy felt the same way that Jeno did. Jaemin had shown Jeno his entire world and it was obvious to the both of this that there were secrets between them. Yet, Jeno tore his eyes away from Jaemin’s tears. He just waited and did what they did best. He was there Jaemin, as much as Jaemin was there for him, and he waited.

 

_\--_

_One week later,_

 

They were home, in Jeno’s bed. Curled around each other seeking solace in each other’s warmth. It was hard to get over their deaths and the two boys were still reeling from the loss of their second (in Jaemin’s case, third) home. However, it was something else entirely that caused a quiet to settle over them for days. The loss of Jeno’s grandparents meant a loss of summer, a loss of childhood.

 

Jeno was broken out of his reverie when Jaemin’s sleeping form shuddered, grasping tighter around Jeno in order for more warmth. He looked down and mapped out the features he had memorized for years. He brushed a lock of hair away from Jaemin’s forehead and left a kiss in its place. This is his Jaemin. No one could touch them here in the quiet and peace of his room.

 

His lips lingered for half a beat too long and Jaemin stirred. The moonlight shone right over Jaemin’s eyes as he blearily blinked at Jeno.

 

“Jen, please go to sleep. We have to go help your mom cook tomorrow,” he groaned and then buried himself further into Jeno’s neck, his hot breath sending shivers down Jeno’s spine. And then it hit him.

 

It hit him as the moonlight shone through his window. The window where he first spied Jaemin from across the street. The room where the first person he came out to was Jaemin. The room where he spent countless nights dreaming with the same boy taking the same side of the bed, stealing the same blanket away from him. It hit him as the moonlight shone on the face of the boy he loved. First, as a friend, and now it seemed something more.

 

He loved Jaemin in the same way he breathed air. He loved Jaemin in the same way he ate food. It was so easy and natural; it was as if nothing had changed. Jaemin had his entire heart in one hand and his entire world in the other. Jaemin was the sun to his moon. Jaemin was his everything and he knew this. Jeno had known this for years. But, it had only taken a moonlit night to realize that he loved Jaemin in a way that was dangerous.

 

He thinks he fell in love last week, at the cemetery. His reaction subdued by grief. _It’s ok_ , he thought to himself. He’s loved Jaemin for a long time already. A few more days couldn’t hurt.

 

The last thing Jeno did before falling victim to the sleep that began to dust his mind was tug Jaemin a little bit closer to him. And his heart. Wisps of a song flowed through the air as the forgotten radio continued to play in the background.

**Under the same sky**

**In this different time**

**Our hearts are connected**

**Under the same sky**

 

**Author's Note:**

> Again, constructive criticism, please! This work has been un-beta'd so bear with me. There isn't really a tangible plot but it is sorta a slice of life-esque self- indulgent fic. I like writing through a character's thoughts. The next fic will have more plot though so don't worry! Thank you for keeping up with my mess of fics. Much love!


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